Pop Psychology vs. Actual Psychology

Working with young people is one of my favorite things in the world. I especially love the changing slang and language around topics that are about personal relationships or mental health related. I have become concerned though in the last few months about language that might mischaracterize deeper mental health issues and therefore minimize when something worse might be happening. Not every hurtful encounter with someone is traumatic, for example.

Pop psychology terms for gaslighting, being 'triggered', narcissists or trauma are a few terms that I hear more frequently. I thought I'd break it down so we can educate our young people to expand their vocabulary to more accurately label what they are feeling and, more importantly, know when to use the more serious language to get real help. Below are some comparisons and gentle suggestions for other words to help define strong feelings and interactions.

This chart below from @igototherapy is a helpful tool to remind teens about these terms and the seriousness with which they convey important issues:

Pop Psychology

Gaslighting is when someone lies to you or tries to convince you that you're wrong.

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Being triggered means that something makes you uncomfortable or annoyed.

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People who are rude, mean, or self-centered are narcissists.

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Anything that hurts you is trauma.

Actual Psychology

Gaslighting is an elaborate strategy where you are manipulated to question your reality, memory or sanity - not just a disagreement over what happened.

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A trigger is something that causes a sudden increase in symptoms - like flashbacks in PTSD or compulsions in OCD. A 'trigger' is not just a source of general discomfort.

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Everyone has some narcissistic traits, and many people are unpleasant or abusive without being narcissists. Narcissistic personality disorder is a clinical diagnosis, and it doesn't always lead to abusive behavior.

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Anything that overwhelms your ability to cope can be traumatic. Trauma has long-lasting impacts and it goes beyond ordinary adversity. Something being hurtful isn't automatically trauma.

You can offer some alternative language for how your young person might be feeling with these possibilities:

1. Gaslighting might be manipulated, misleading, deceiving or contriving.

2. Triggered might be activated, provoked or provoking, infuriating or enraging, agitating or upsetting..

3. For someone who is narcissistic, a better term might be egotistical, conceited, vain, self-absorbed, self-important or egomaniac.

4. For trauma, which is very serious, some better word choices might be shocking, distressing, devastating, upsetting, scarring, or painful.

   
   

I hope these alternatives help to educate our young people to continue to identify and support one another.