The Season of Consent

Happy Holidays! We are deep in the season of celebrating with many gatherings and there is no better time to begin, or continue, a conversation about consent and what that means. Consent is the law and we can easily make it an ongoing practice in our homes with respect and increasing connection. When we practice asking for consent for our kids and well-meaning friends and relatives this models a healthy way to connect and keep your kids safe and comfortable.

Here are some terrific tips for you and your family from Girlology (one of my favorite sites):

• Before gatherings, talk with your children about their choices. They can offer a high-five, a wave, a fist bump, or yes, a hug-but ONLY if THEY want to. Help them practice saying, "I'm not a hugger, but I'm so happy to see you!" or "Can I just give you a fist bump or high five?" These are all very respectful responses to adults and they show asking for clear boundaries.

• Talk with relatives ahead of time, too. A quick text like "Just so you know, we're teaching the kids about body autonomy, so they might gree you with a wave or a high-five instead of hugs - it's not personal, and we really appreciate you respecting their choice!" goes a long way.

• Model asking for consent. yourself. "Can I give you a hug?" is such a simple question, but it teaches kids that checking in before touching someone is normal and kind.

• Another way to model consent is if there is mistletoe, for example, instead of insisting that someone kisses someone, you can say "We only blow each other kisses" and no one has to do anything they don't want to do.

• Remember, when a child says 'stop' when Grandpa's tickling is no longer fun AND Grandpa responds immediately, that child learns their voice has power. They become better at setting boundaries in serious situations AND expecting others to respect them.

Kids can be respectful and loving without sacrificing their right to decide who touches their body and when. This holiday season, give them permission to show affection in ways that feel good for everyone.

Have a wonderful, safe and consensual holiday season.