5 Tips to Help Girls' Declining Self-Esteem

For many girls, self-esteem drops significantly in early adolescence. There are a few reasons for this, a changing and unfamiliar body and the adolescent brain which is trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in the world outside of their family. We know this happens and what can we do as parents to support our girls to mitigate this decline.

1. Focus on what she does, not what she looks like. Girls (and boys) feel most valuable when they feel like they are contributing to the world around them in meaningful ways. Frequent compliments on how they look can often set up a struggle because they have gotten such reinforcement for outward appearances, rather than accomplishments. They are taught that what is most important is how they look, not true self-esteem which is based on more meaningful contributions.

2. Encourage her to take healthy risks. That means trying something outside of her comfort zone. That could mean simply trying something new, or sometimes in participating in a performance or competition. When she resists, help her think about what could go right instead of what could go wrong. The teen brain is wired to take risks, it also reduces her risk of taking unhealthy risks.

3. Focus on her personal best, not how she does in comparison to others. Remind her that her very best might vary from day to day. Look back and look at the big picture over time. The progress will start to come into better focus, so make sure to note how much she has accomplished.

4. Change her self-talk. When she is being tough on herself, ask her what she would say the if her friend was in the same situation. Self-talk can be super harsh, but if she can learn to be as kind to herself as she is to others, this is great modeling.

5. Model gratitude for non-material things. Being grateful for things like your own body and what it can do, your own relationships and opportunities is important. Encourage her to start a gratitude practice. Keeping a gratitude journal, or talking about what she is grateful for can help her recognize important things in life. Gratitude keeps us aware of the bigger things in life and also keeps us humble.