Essential Back to School Chats

I love back to school and September. Of course, I grew up when all schools started after Labor Day, so it still takes a little bit of getting used to that mid-August is the first day of school for most. What hasn't changed is the nervousness, anticipation and excitement of a new school year and new friends and new social situations, as well as new and changing bodies and relationships.

As this new school year begins these talks are important. As your teen, or pre-teen enters this new school year I encourage you to find a time to give them a supportive reminder that may help navigate issues that may arise. The adolescent brain is developing and your child benefits from hearing the same message in lots of different ways and many times throughout their development. I don't mean reminders about cleaning their room or brushing their teeth, I mean the more important stuff that they need to continue to hear to boost their mental and emotional health as the new year starts. An amazing doctor I follow has created a great list to get started and I wanted to share.

1. It takes a village.

   Give them permission to seek confidential help or advice from trusted adults other than parents. Older siblings, my best friends, their godmother, aunts or uncles are great examples and you can create this list with them. Ask them if there is another adult they can think of they would feel safe going to. Let those adults know they are on that list of trusted adults, please provide advice if they need it or they see they might need it.

2. They really do want to do the right thing.

   Remind them to pay attention to their gut, or instinct or intuition. This feeling is made to keep us safe and represents the collective voices of your family values, faith and what is honest or true for them.

3. Self-love can be hard.

   That same voice can sometimes be harsh or critical and say mean or ugly things. Encourage them to talk to that voice in the same way if they heard a friend say those things.

4. Youth feel safer with boundaries.

   Telling your child your hopes and expectations for their behavior, especially around things like honesty, relationships, social media posts, and substances is essential. State what the consequences will be if they choose to ignore the rules you have set. The choices will be theirs, as will the consequences.

5. They are enough.

   Remind them that there will always be people who seem to have more freedom, more money, have more fun, more friends, more popularity, nicer stuff, better grads, and more skills. They should not be in competition with anyone but themselves, and accept this. Focusing on doing their personal best and sharing in others' successes can feel great.

   
   

   Good luck with the new year and please remember that just starting the conversation is important and remember to repeat it often if necessary.